Dive Dan's Adventure
Our beloved Tuxedo Cat Diva Dan ran away on November 2nd and returned home on November 23, 2024. We are so thankful he is back our Dan Man, who has been with us for seven years, 4 moves, and is a true DIVA. When he came home, he had lost two pounds and looked like he did not enjoy the thug life—he is much to fancy for that type of lifestyle!
Rae and I created this story about his adventure...MUST read in a British accent.
The older woman they call'mom' came into the house all dressed up and raving about pumpkins. I meowed, bumped her leg, and was growing vexxed with my little brother, the orange one they call 'Biscuit and is a complete imbalce and wanker. I was also growing quite irritated with dog 'Nicky.' I was always looking for my chance to escape.
That night the man of the house they call 'Dad' sat in a chair shooting at the TV. I have to tell you humans play stupid games and talk stupid stories. I just needed to get out and explore; there were so many lizards to eat. My opportunity appeared after the man went up to the door; the front door was left open just a bit.
At first I felt brave but the orange twat tried to follow me out; did he not understand? I was running away because of them. I meowed and hissed at Biscuit to get back inside; he was not ready for this huge big world. He was too weak and too much of twat that would get in my way. The bravery soon wore off though the further and further I got away from home. I could hear the little girls calling my name, looking every night, creeping in bushes, searching for me, but I was not coming home yet! I had to keep catching these lizards; they were bloody delicious.
The first few days were exhilarating and fun but by days five and six, I was growing quite bored of lizards. Plus, hiding from random dogs—my mortal enemies—was absolutely exhausting. And do not get me started on the street cats out here; no manners whats so ever! The second week was worse; lizards were scared and no nice people were leaving me food. I had to rely on my cat instinics, which now, in hindsight, were bloody awful. Oh Lord, what did I do... I needed to make my way back home; I needed my family, and I hate to admit it but I missed Biscuit and Nicky.
Oh I missed my family, especially the littlest one they call 'Rae.' She was always sneaking me treats and giving me too-tight hugs and snuggles. I decided to take the long journey back across the golf course, sneaking and scampering between bushes, avoiding the random balls that would fly through the air. I finally made it back. Was this my back porch? The plants are dying so it must be it; the'mom' could not keep a cactus alive. Looking into the big glass I was always trying to escape, I let out a big meow. I knew the big lady would recognize my meow.
'MEOW.' I was so loud, my eyes big and wide; she looked up from moving the rag around and screamed at the family, my family, "DAN IS BACK."
Of course I got a little spooked but I knew they would come after me and possibly with treats. Boy was I right?
I went to hide in the bushes of the long-haired man's patio, for his fountain was my water source on the journey.
Just keep meowing, Dan. Just keeping meowing--I was telling my cat self, they will find you.
All of sudden there were shrimp squares in my face and the little one was grabbing me and holding me tight. All was right in the world; I was back with my humans—never to leave again, even if I live with an annoying little brother and yapper dog.
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